Can Breakups Be Happy Moments?

I am so done with breakups ending on a bad note. Why can’t we choose to have celebratory breakups and end things on a happy note?

I dated this guy my friends nicknamed the “Energy Healer” who forced me into a two-hour conversation not about why we were breaking up, as that was not up for debate, but to recap all the things that didn’t work in our relationship. Mind you, we only dated for two months, meaning we ~~spent~~ wasted two minutes for each day we were together ~~discussing~~ overanalyzing why we were not a match. That for me was way too high of a break-up drama ratio.

I swore I would make every effort in the future to avoid repeating that nightmare. So when I finally accepted the red flags I saw in the beginning of my relationship with Galvin (see previous articles) were now Vegas-sized neon signs, I knew it was time for another breakup. However, this time the breakup would be on my terms.

No Toni Braxton or Adele sad love songs. Screw reviewing a slideshow of our best moments together. And a swift select all deletion of all texts and emails was mandatory. All that was left was to plan our happy breakup moment before I kept it moving forward.

We ended up taking a mini road trip to Tomales Bay, a cute little area on the Pacific Ocean in Northern California. It was exactly the typeof memorable day I had envisioned with lots of oysters, beers and laughs. The next morning, because of course I wanted the full happy ending, I said my goodbye, thanked him and I went home knowing I had no intentions of seeing Galvin again. Ideally I should had told him I was done and that we just broke up, but I figured he’d eventually get the picture when I started distancing myself.

I couldn’t believe I had totally nailed my dream breakup scenario. I even thought I could have marketed it as the prefect breakup model, had I only been able to resist responding to his text messages. This time my lack of willpower not only killed my happy breakup dreams, it led us down that familiar breakup path I wanted to avoid. And that completely sucked.

It all started with Galvin making some comment via text about interviewing a potential boss. I innocently responded saying, “I hope you find someone you like.” When I got the “WTF?” response, I was confused. I wrote back saying, “should I had said that I hope you get a horrible boss?” He immediately texted, “LOL, I thought you were abruptly ending our relationship.”

I didn’t respond to his last text as I had abruptly ended our relationship, it was just three days earlier. Can you say awkward?? I guess he felt the same way as he then followed up stating we needed to talk. Honestly, I was pissed at this point. I had done absolutely everything right to avoid this situation, but here I was anyways being forced into a breakup talk. I had my closure and I was good. I didn’t want to talk, but I didn’t want to be labeled that heartless chic either so I unwillingly agreed to meet him. All I could do now is pray it wasn’t as bad as the last one.

We met at the park for a walk, as he didn’t want to drink any alcohol. That should have been my first sign this was not going to be good. After some small talk, he got real serious and gave me the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech. I am convinced there is a bros life coach that teaches men certain speeches. The entire talk was laughable, but how do you politely tell someone who is supposedly pouring out their heart that you know they are lying? On principal, I wanted to scream bullshit, but I had matured enough to stay silent.

how do you politely tell someone who is supposedly pouring out their heart that you know they are lying?

Ok, I hadn’t matured enough because the next day I was annoyed at myself for staying silent and failing to say some things. I reached out to Galvin to finish our conversation, but I got the “it’s too late, I’m done acting nice so deal with it” line from him. If I could reach through a text and knee a guy, he’d still be rolling on the ground in pain weeks later. Funny how in 24 hours he went from this remorseful guy saying how I could do better than him to I don’t have time for you and please forget my number.

The upside of this breakup talk was that it reaffirmed my decision to move on. Galvin is a nice guy and one day he will make a great partner. He is funny, intelligent, outgoing and not the one for me and I’m truly ok with it. You see, no matter how much fun we had together, he had qualities that were what I call my non-starters. I could had stayed hoping that a genie would come out of one of my wine bottles and grant me my wish of making him more attentive to other’s needs, but that didn’t seem likely.

So I’m back on the dating scene, which I hate. But you know what, I gave it my all with Galvin. I experienced new highs and many memorable moments. There was nothing more I could do and I knew it was time to say I like you, but I love and respect me way more to stay in this relationship. Plus when you catch your date on a online dating site while you’re on a date, that is a sign as big as skywriting saying it’s time to go. I’m just saying…