Solocation in Bali to Reconnect with Myself

[title maintitle=”” subtitle=”PAUSE. RECONNECT. LOVE. SERIES – PART 2: Reconnect With Myself.”]

Part 1 of the Pause. Reconnect. Love. series was about realizing what got me through the hard times in the past no longer worked and I needed a break. Having that clarity to accept I was grieving and exhausted was great, but clarity didn’t change what was not working in my life. It did, however, kick into motion my Virgo-style planning skills to create a plan to quickly reconnect with myself.

Game Plan:
Go to beautiful location + Google search get over grief + journal + meditate = healed

Brilliant plan, right? WRONG! I had better chances of getting pregnant than this working for me. Let me tell you what really happened.

My journey to reconnect began in an intimate village in East Bali called Sidemen at the Samanvaya Resort. And when I say intimate or secluded I mean there isn’t much to do in Sidemen. Yet, that made this breathtaking resort with eleven spacious rooms overlooking rice fields the perfect destination for reconnecting with me.

I checked into my gorgeous room, got comfortable and sat down ready to begin the process of reconnecting with me. As soon as I tried to put pen to paper my head started hurting. So I took a break before even starting and spent the rest of the day staring at the stunning view in front of me.

The next day I moved to the cabanas right outside of my room and fell violently ill when I attempted to implement my get over grief plan. Once again I found myself with nothing else to do but look out at the rice fields and infinity pool until it was time for my daily massage.

This is a good time to mention I essentially had the resort to myself. Thus, it was utterly quiet minus the noise from nature and the pool. Yet, I couldn’t consider the idea of working on my self-care. Every time I tried to meditate, journal or use my coloring books, terrible pain set in and all I could do is be still until it passed.

Turning Point

What I thought was turning into an epic failed attempt to heal was actually exactly what I needed to reconnect with myself. I discovered through this process that you can’t always schedule your self-care as if you were planning a dinner party or launching a new product. The reality is that when your mind is mad crazy busy it’s nearly impossible to hear the answers you seek.

It is through stillness that I began to remove my mask or trigger that was holding me back from connecting with my true self. The mask I wear is that I’m the strong black woman who can be everything to everyone and I can sustain my energy by pushing through with some lite self-care.

The other mask I didn’t realize I wore until this trip is that I have a fear of connecting with myself. If I connected fully with myself, that meant I had to accept and acknowledge the parts of me I don’t like. However, for me to really reconnect with myself, I had to take off the mask and see, work through and accept all of me. Not an easy task but vital to this process.

What also helped was working with a Balinese healer for a charka cleansing massage. The healer reminded me of Mr. Miyagi from the Karate Kid in looks and manner. The charka massage wasn’t relaxing massage and included chanting and oils that left my skin feeling hot. However, I left feeling as if the heavy bricks from all of my life’s struggles were finally removed. For the first time, I felt free, like truly free. Unfortunately, that magical feeling only lasted for two hours until my body went into detox mode and I feel ill again.

The next day I met the Balinese healer for a yoga and meditation session and told him what occurred the day before. He didn’t speak much English but I tried my best to explain, I wanted very little yoga and more meditation. He did the exact opposite. Lots of yoga and little meditation. Surprisingly I felt like the bricks were gone again and so were the detox pains. Who knew yoga actually had mentally restorative benefits!

Self-Discovery

Prior to this session, I hated yoga and never understood why people were drawn to it like free meals. But after I couldn’t deny the physical and mental relief I experienced. So much so, that when I left Sidemen to head to Ubud, another city in Bali, I spent the rest of my trip taking yoga classes and meditating.

Through yoga, I found a way to quiet my mind and release the grief I was experiencing. I let go of the guilty feelings of being a failure if I couldn’t be everything to everyone all the time. Yoga, especially kundalini yoga, provided me with a way to open my heart, quiet my mind and listen to my true desires and wants.

I don’t think I ever cried so much as I did in Bali. But then again, I was releasing years of pain, frustration and hurt that was stored in my body and mind.

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NEXT TRIP:

Unplug Bali (September 27-October 5, 2019) registration opening soon! sign up for updates (CLICK HERE)

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Female Solo Travelers Wanted

Want help to plan your own solocation to reconnect with yourself, get solo travel tips or destination recommendations? Join our new Facebook group called Fly Soulo! This community is open women who are new to solo travel and want advice on how to overcome the fear of solo travel to those who are experts when it comes to solocations. Come share your stories, solo travel pictures and also get great travel deals!