The Superwoman Can Do Everything But This

[title maintitle=”” subtitle=”Are You Ready To Quit Your Role As Superwoman?”]

Are you that go-to person your friends and family members depend on when they have an issue because they know you’ll do your best to help solve their issues or at least listen attentively? Being there for everyone else can be exhausting. At times, saying no is all you want to do, but that guilt of not being a “superwoman” is strong!

I get it, it’s hard to put you and your needs first when you’re busy being everyone else’s everything. Plus, whoever heard of a superwoman turning in her cape for a regular coat?

When Scandal first came on the air, Oliva Pope made being a superwoman look so glamourous. The way she’d strut in her tan trenchcoat solving all of Washington’s problems made us believe she could fix it all because she was the poster girl for all superwomen. That was before they started showing past the facade and highlighting the real struggles of being a superwoman that many of us already understood oh so well.

The real-life superwoman is a counselor, credit union, emergency contact, Uber driver, chef, housekeeper, party planner, sexual desires provider, and wing gal extraordinaire all wrapped into one woman. She can be whatever everyone else wants her to be because she says yes to everything, but this again can be so exhausting.

In theory, saying no seems so easy. It’s only two letters and not difficult to pronounce. Heck, it’s actually the same word in many different languages. Yet, for the superwoman, this often is the most difficult sentence to express. And yes, “no” is a complete sentence in case you were wondering.

But who wants to be that woman saying no and letting people down? There is pride in being deemed a superwoman. There’s also major guilt and shame if you thought people didn’t see you as a superwoman.

The idea of people no longer having faith in your ability to do it all can be scary, especially if you base your value on your ability to be everything to everyone else. This is where I got caught up in saying yes when I really wanted to say no. I would tell myself that saying no wasn’t really an option as it was my responsibility as a good friend/sister/daughter/co-worker/cousin to be there for my loved ones.

What I did realize eventually is how much I needed to say yes to me. And that saying yes to me is not being selfish, but the key to my survival.

If this is not making any sense, think about what if you could no longer take care of everything as a superwoman? Would the world around you really fall apart? Will your friend or family member never realize they are in a dead-end relationship? Will your kids never figure out life’s lessons? My guess is everything would eventually work itself out without you.

So, when is it your turn to make you a priority? If you’ve ever struggled with saying no, try this exercise to help start making your self-care a priority in your life:

Saying No Exercise

Run to the nearest mirror and look yourself in the eyes and say, ‘No.’

Now say it again, but louder.

Say:

“No, I can’t help you move on my only day off”
“No, I love you but I can no longer fund your dreams while I struggle”
“No, I no longer can stay in a relationship that doesn’t meet my needs”
“I love you dearly, but no, I don’t have time to plan your 30th birthday, bridal shower, or baby shower in 2 days.”
“No I don’t want to go out, I want to stay home alone and do nothing.”

Next, come up with your own sentences telling people no.

It may take a bit to get used to, but how freeing is it saying the word ‘No?’

If Jill Scott thought one was the magical number, then ‘no’ is the magical word. Keep saying no and until you notice a difference in your life.